Trina L Short (trinalin) wrote,
Trina L Short

  • Mood:

If I ignore the computers, will they go away?

I'm sure there are people out there who can decide they're not going to worry about something and then don't worry about something. Alas, I can't seem to do that. Yeah, I know I only have 2 periods a day to work on computers (actually, that's only supposed to be 1 period, but I use my planning period most of the time as well, which explains why I don't have any grades in my gradebook yet). But I keep worrying about the stuff that's yet to be done. I can't do any better than what I'm currently doing. And I certainly shouldn't be going in for 3 hours on a Saturday or for an hour tonight (like I just did). Yes, there are people who need computers that don't have them yet. And yes, they have stuff due soon. But I shouldn't worry about it. As I wrote, I'm doing the best that I can, and then some.

What aggravates the way my brain works is that I worry, and then I get angry because I've been worrying. And I rage against the impatient people (while also being sympathetic to their needs, which is why I was worrying in the first place). And then I get angry with me for being angry with them. And then I think "but that way only leads to the dark side!" knowing full well that when I rage against myself, depression sets in. And I will NOT let depression get me. I had my bout last April. I should have 2 years or so before the next one.

So I convince myself to stop being angry and to just chill. There's no reason to worry.

Except that the worry begins anew.


Still, I'm going to PRETEND that I'm not worried, and I'm going to log off in just a few minutes and finish reading The Tiger in the Well which is an absolutely gripping Philip Pullman novel. Then I'm going to think about September, which is one of my most favorite months of all. Soon there will be lovely yellow and orange leaves on the trees and the weather will go from summertime heat to autumn cool. And then I'll go to bed with my kitty by my side and dream pleasant dreams and wake up refreshed.

So there...
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