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If I ignore the computers, will they go away? - trinalin thinks things through — LiveJournal
trinalin
trinalin
If I ignore the computers, will they go away?
I'm sure there are people out there who can decide they're not going to worry about something and then don't worry about something. Alas, I can't seem to do that. Yeah, I know I only have 2 periods a day to work on computers (actually, that's only supposed to be 1 period, but I use my planning period most of the time as well, which explains why I don't have any grades in my gradebook yet). But I keep worrying about the stuff that's yet to be done. I can't do any better than what I'm currently doing. And I certainly shouldn't be going in for 3 hours on a Saturday or for an hour tonight (like I just did). Yes, there are people who need computers that don't have them yet. And yes, they have stuff due soon. But I shouldn't worry about it. As I wrote, I'm doing the best that I can, and then some.

What aggravates the way my brain works is that I worry, and then I get angry because I've been worrying. And I rage against the impatient people (while also being sympathetic to their needs, which is why I was worrying in the first place). And then I get angry with me for being angry with them. And then I think "but that way only leads to the dark side!" knowing full well that when I rage against myself, depression sets in. And I will NOT let depression get me. I had my bout last April. I should have 2 years or so before the next one.

So I convince myself to stop being angry and to just chill. There's no reason to worry.

Except that the worry begins anew.

*sigh*

Still, I'm going to PRETEND that I'm not worried, and I'm going to log off in just a few minutes and finish reading The Tiger in the Well which is an absolutely gripping Philip Pullman novel. Then I'm going to think about September, which is one of my most favorite months of all. Soon there will be lovely yellow and orange leaves on the trees and the weather will go from summertime heat to autumn cool. And then I'll go to bed with my kitty by my side and dream pleasant dreams and wake up refreshed.

So there...

Current Mood: morose morose

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Comments
wishfulaces From: wishfulaces Date: September 1st, 2004 10:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
What aggravates the way my brain works is that I worry, and then I get angry because I've been worrying. And I rage against the impatient people (while also being sympathetic to their needs, which is why I was worrying in the first place). And then I get angry with me for being angry with them.

Oh yeah. And if you're like me, the worry always hits hardest right when you're about to go to sleep, until you wish you could just clap the pillow over your ears and drown out the worrying, but you can't.

Yeah. The only coping strategy I seem to have really is distraction.
trinalin From: trinalin Date: September 2nd, 2004 03:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
And if you're like me, the worry always hits hardest right when you're about to go to sleep

Amen sister, and BLEH!

The only coping strategy I seem to have really is distraction.

Distraction can be a godsend. (And an annoyance in the wrong places.)
wishfulaces From: wishfulaces Date: September 2nd, 2004 10:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
Definitely bleh! "I was freaking *tired* five minutes ago! Where did that well-needed sleepiness go?"

And yeah, I know what you mean about annoying distractions. "I could be reading this textbook for class, but instead I'm going to refresh LJ and see if anything interesting's happened in the past five minutes." Blah.
From: jblum Date: September 2nd, 2004 01:17 am (UTC) (Link)
If there's one person in the world who doesn't deserve to blame herself, it's you. You're a sweetie through and through, probably the single most thoroughly nice person I've ever met on the net, and tell the inner self that's lecturing you I said so.

So don't feel the slightest bit guilty about being fed up with impatient people pushing you to hurry. Yeah, they've got needs -- that doesn't give them the right to make you miserable. Even if you *do* feel like they've got a point... you can't do anything about what they need right now, so take care of what you need. Which is probably to blow off some steam about them without feeling angry at yourself for doing it.

If you need a distraction from your worries, imagine rolling a big Tex Avery cartoon bomb with a spluttering fuse under their chair, which blows them straight up through the roof, leaving an impatient-complainer-shaped hole in the ceiling, while you cackle gleefully. NO GUILT! It won't do anyone any harm to imagine it, and it might just make you feel a lot better...

Hugs,
Jon
trinalin From: trinalin Date: September 2nd, 2004 03:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
You're a sweetie through and through, probably the single most thoroughly nice person I've ever met on the net, and tell the inner self that's lecturing you I said so.

Thanks, Jon! That's sweet. :-)

It won't do anyone any harm to imagine it, and it might just make you feel a lot better...

Heh - I like that. I might have to use that from time to time. :-)
warinbabylon From: warinbabylon Date: September 2nd, 2004 05:09 am (UTC) (Link)
That's it! Think positive :) Hang in there.
trinalin From: trinalin Date: September 2nd, 2004 04:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ta! Today I managed to feel less guilty about things. And tomorrow is Friday - yay! :-)
warinbabylon From: warinbabylon Date: September 2nd, 2004 04:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yay!
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