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Feeling sorry for myself... - trinalin thinks things through
trinalin
trinalin
Feeling sorry for myself...
Apologies first - I don't have any real reason to feel sorry for myself. I have a great life, a great family, great friends, a great cat, and yet, here I am almost crying. Gah - I get angry with myself when I get in this state. Thankfully, I don't often get in this state. But here I am now, and I'm hoping maybe writing about it will help get it out of my system and maybe I can get on with my day.

Dad always said that I didn't have to do what the voices in my head tell me to do. But I wish this once I'd listened to that small, still voice back when I thought "I'll have a party to celebrate my 33 1/3 birthday, and this time I'll invite my co-workers!." The still, small voice said "But nobody will come, so why bother?" Well, the party is this Saturday. And so far, I have one couple confirmed as coming, two maybes, loads of "sorry, have something else scheduled" and even loads more of apathy (ie, no reply to the invite). Bleh, not what I need for my self esteem. But, you see, this is the way it goes with my birthday parties.

I'm a New Year's Baby. Yes, the most wonderful time to have a birthday - when everyone's off recovering from their New Year's Eve festivities. On my 16th birthday, I thought it would be fun to do a New Year's Eve bowling party and invited all of my friends (which, sadly, wasn't a whole lot, but that's another pity party from another era). One showed. Thanks to some extended family coming, it wasn't a pathetic little group that showed at the bowling alley. Little, yeah, but not pathetically little. I didn't invite extended family to this gathering however... Dad will be able to come, but mom works and Amy & Rachel are in Minnesota.

Gah, the waterworks are starting again. Why am I focusing on the negative? Hell, for my thirtieth birthday, judiang flew all the way from Chicago to visit and elsaf drove through a snow storm to meet up with us for one afternoon (poor dear worked NYE and NY). Now that's devoted friends! And my co-workers are good people too. I had a blast at the Louisiana Boil. But just comparing the numbers that showed there to the ones supposedly coming on Saturday makes me feel even more pathetic.

Ah my kitty is so sweet. He's just come over to hang out. And since the party's at mom and dad's cottage at the Lake, he's not invited. Poor kitty. :(

There's the still, small voice in my head telling me I should just go ahead and cancel the thing. I'll talk some with the folks tonight and have them be a voice of reason. I think I'll bring chocolate.

Once again, sorry to be a wet blanket (literally) today. Tomorrow, I'm hoping for the usual happy trina to be back.

Current Mood: depressed depressed

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Comments
calapine From: calapine Date: April 29th, 2004 01:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
*hugs*

If it's something that upsets you, it is a real reason. And I hope you feel better soon. :)
From: angelynn6726 Date: April 29th, 2004 01:44 pm (UTC) (Link)

be thankful

sweety,
friends are not measured by how many , but by how much they mean to you...I can count on one hand friends I have that live near me ..with fingers left over, lol
I can say, I honestly have more TRUE FRIENDS online then in my real life..
My BEST FRIEND & SOULSISTER lives in Sacremento, Cali... we have only been able meet once, but we talk everyday on the phone or online.
be thankful for "friends" no matter where they are... keep them near in your heart :)
elsaf From: elsaf Date: April 29th, 2004 01:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
Geez, Trina. I'd have come ...

If you're going to go ahead and have it, just enjoy the relaxed time up at the lake. Smaller groups are less trouble for the hostess, after all.

Sorry you're feeling blue. Have some ice cream, and kick back tonight.
miz_em From: miz_em Date: April 29th, 2004 01:56 pm (UTC) (Link)
I know! We can have a virtual party!! I'll bring the champagne! And you know the best thing about a virtual party? We can bring the 7th doctor as well!!!

Hugs, Trina!

Em
trinalin From: trinalin Date: May 5th, 2004 04:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
And you know the best thing about a virtual party? We can bring the 7th doctor as well!!!

Eek! He'd probably exterminate the guests accidentally when one of his enemies showed up to exact revenge and then he'd tell me how it's all about the big picture and not to worry about the small things... (Then again, maybe he'd feel sorry for me and shag me hug me.)
paygem From: paygem Date: April 29th, 2004 02:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
This is why very few of my friends know when my birthday is. I always have horrible birthdays (from child parties to just about anything going wrong), so when I want to celebrate for my birthday I plan something to do by myself or with one other person and make sure it's something simple with little chance of going wrong. Most of my friends think my birthday is the day AFTER it really is :)

And just one last thought - Just because the turn-out may be smaller than you expect, it doesn't mean the amount of fun will be any less ;)
trinalin From: trinalin Date: May 5th, 2004 04:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
Just because the turn-out may be smaller than you expect, it doesn't mean the amount of fun will be any less ;)

True, and it's a hell of a lot easier to clean up afterwards. :-)
gordon_r_d From: gordon_r_d Date: April 29th, 2004 02:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
Don't be sorry, I kind of know how you feel

I just kind of ignore my birthdays these days, I don't see what all the fuss is about to be honest. The only people who insist on celebrating it are my family and I really wish they wouldn't.

Here, have a choccy biscuit.
From: rach74 Date: April 29th, 2004 02:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
*hugs*


From: ladyslvr Date: April 29th, 2004 02:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
*hugs*

Because it sounds like you need some.
antikythera From: antikythera Date: April 29th, 2004 03:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
I don't think I ever really had birthday parties aside from family when I was a kid. I would totally go to your party if I were closer...

You've got friends, it's just that the good ones are all sorta far away. Such is the life of the geek. ;)
judiang From: judiang Date: April 29th, 2004 05:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
Awwwww Trina. :(

*hugs*

Ditto what Elsa said. Tonight, play some Diablo, kick ass on KoC and get on AIM. :)
warinbabylon From: warinbabylon Date: April 29th, 2004 05:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
I wish I lived closer! HUGS
From: jblum Date: April 29th, 2004 06:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
*hug* *hug* *hug* *hug* *hug* *hug* *hug*

I haven't had a big birthday party thing in ages, for obvious reasons. The closest I've gotten is the gatherings on my US trips. The thing to remember is -- oh, hang on --

*hug* <-- one that got away

-- that you've got plenty of people who *do* like you and think you're wonderfully groovy, even if they can't all be in the same place at the same time. And that they will continue --

*hug* <-- dagnabbit, they're getting everywhere

-- to be there for you whenever you say you need them, however they can.

Just wanted to remind you. I know it seems awful when one of these moments hit; don't hate yourself for feeling miserable, it happens. Just remember that it gets better.

--jon

*hug*
drake57 From: drake57 Date: April 29th, 2004 07:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
33 1/3...great idea for a party!
I'd be there if i could :)
*gives you 33 and 1/3 hugs*
dark_pheonix From: dark_pheonix Date: April 29th, 2004 09:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
*gives you a hug and a life-sized Sylv cutout*

...

I'm really bad at comforting people, but I hope you feel better soon because someone as spiffy as you shouldn't cry. Nya.
swiftangel From: swiftangel Date: April 30th, 2004 12:09 am (UTC) (Link)
I've been feeling down for no good reason lately. I think it's something in the White Hou... er water. :)

I'm glad to see from your later post that you're feeling a bit better. *hugs* anyway.
barbthebrazen From: barbthebrazen Date: April 30th, 2004 06:47 am (UTC) (Link)
*hugs*

I'd be there if I lived closer (well and you invited me of course *wink*)

I'd even wear a lampshade for you and sing my rendition of "The Song That Wouldn't Die"
trinalin From: trinalin Date: May 5th, 2004 04:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'd be there if I lived closer (well and you invited me of course *wink*)

That didn't stop my sister... I didn't invite her cuz she was in Minnesota, but she came anyhoo. ;-)

I'd even wear a lampshade for you and sing my rendition of "The Song That Wouldn't Die"

OK, next party I have, you're invited and I expect to see this... :-)
barbthebrazen From: barbthebrazen Date: May 6th, 2004 04:50 am (UTC) (Link)
Enough beer and I'll wear anything...

*twirls propellor beenie*
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